The trouble with trying to motivate a disengaged team
When someone on your team goes quiet and seems disengaged, our first reaction as a leader is often to reach for the motivation hat (I like to imagine it's sequinned, but maybe that's just me). In this mode, we emphasise past successes, remind them of their strengths, point out what they're good at, often in a very enthusiastic way. It comes from a good place. Sometimes it even works.
Let me introduce you to a different hat to try instead. The hope hat (less sequins, maybe a soft pastel?). Hope isn't a feeling you can talk someone into. It's a cognitive system, and it only works when three things are in place together: a goal that matters to them, a path to get there (plus a backup path if the first one doesn't pan out), and the belief that they're capable of walking it. Miss any one of these and the system doesn't run, no matter how much encouragement you pour in.
Hope isn't about saying more encouraging things. It's about helping someone build a path forward, rather than boosting their confidence in a path that doesn't exist yet. You can't hand someone hope, but you can help them build the parts it's made of.
People with high hope are more likely to feel and perform better, with stronger results at work, more resilience under pressure, and better health. What's being measured is the practical ability to see a way forward and trust yourself to take it, not just optimism.
The problem is, someone who's stuck usually isn't short on desire, they're out of routes. The paths they tried didn't work, and from where they're standing, they can't see any alternatives.
A different approach
Stay with the uncertainty rather than rushing to resolve it. Ask what else might be possible. Hold off on the pep talk until new paths have been found. If you're honest with yourself, reaching for encouragement quickly is often more about your own discomfort than theirs. It's uncomfortable watching someone struggle, and a pep talk is the fastest way to make that feeling go away.
Finding the pathway
Ask "how do I help them find a new way forward?", not "how do I get them fired up?" When someone goes quiet, the most useful thing you can do is ask questions that open up new angles, until options start to surface. Get curious about the path before you reach for the pep talk. Motivation with no pathway is like revving the car with no destination in mind.
Two things to try
Ask about the route, not the willpower. Instead of "you've got this," try "what have you tried so far, and what happened?" It shifts the conversation from willpower to pathways, which is where the block usually sits.
Sit in the problem a bit longer. Next time you feel yourself reaching for the motivation hat, pause. Ask another question before you offer a solution, then work through the options together. This creates the space for a path to form.
References
Snyder, C.R. (1994). The Psychology of Hope: You Can Get There from Here. Free Press.
Garvey Berger, J. (2012). Changing on the Job: Developing Leaders for a Complex World. Stanford University Press.
Garvey Berger, J. (2019). Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity. Stanford University Press.